Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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