I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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