he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
