You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
