Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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