I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
