U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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