OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
