honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
