i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
And then he peed in my hair
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