I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
