I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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