somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
