can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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