i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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