I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
