Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
