Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
