Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
