Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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