I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
