i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
