I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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