I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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