Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
