I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
