I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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