now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
4 words: hood of his car
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
