You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My ATM looks so different sober.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
