do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
