I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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