a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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