Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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