I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
