That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
