That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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