I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
