I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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