I met the friendliest cop last night
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
