I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
