It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
