Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
