Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
