So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
