I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
