capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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