The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
