Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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