I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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