you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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