Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
